Haleigh, six years ago you went to heaven. At times it seems like it was only days ago and at others it seems like a lifetime ago. There have been many days when I wonder what you would have been like if you had lived, if you had of been born healthy, if you hadn’t left this earth. And I can only imagine. You were the total opposite of your little sister, Ashleigh. You looked exactly like your Daddy. You had lots of dark, beautiful hair. You weren’t fair skinned like your mom! You would have had the most beautiful tan. You had beautiful eyelashes and eyebrows!
You never had the chance to see the room that your Mommy and Daddy, Grandma and Great-Grandma put so much time and effort into. Ironically, it was themed “Precious Moments”. Great-Grandma made a comforter, bed skirt, curtains, diaper holder, etc. while I painted pictures of Precious Moments characters. Little did we know when your Mommy decided on that for your room that we really would only have precious moments. To this day I have a hard time looking at the figurines that they sell. The last one I bought was for your Mommy, after you went to heaven. I think it’s called “Heaven’s Gate”.
It doesn’t seem fair. To you, your mom, to us…your family. You never had a chance to do so many things. So many things that we take for granted. You never had the chance to run and play. Have a birthday party, experience Christmas Day, school, so many, many things. We never got to hear you laugh, giggle, watch your first steps, see your first loose tooth. For your birthday each year I send your mom roses. One for each year. Pink…baby pink. For me I buy balloons, put some “Forget-Me-Not” seeds inside and release them. One for each year. I always attach a little note for you. For your going to heaven date we donate money to the American Heart Association. For both of those dates I light a candle. Why do I do those things? To acknowledge your life, your existence, your importance in our life and to let you and your mommy know just how much I loved you. I never, ever want to forget you.
So many people have a hard time knowing what to say when someone loses a loved one. I think it’s even harder when it’s a child. I can’t stand when they say “it was for the best”. Best for whom? Or, well, she was only here for a few days…it’s not like you had years with her. Do you love your child/grandchild any less because you only had them for days instead of years? Just means we don’t have as many memories or pictures! I want people to know that you are my granddaughter, even though you are no longer here. Alive or not…you are still my grandchild, still your mother’s daughter, still your sister’s big sister.
Haleigh, while I miss you, I am so glad that you are no longer hooked up to all those machines. No longer struggling for every breath that you take. I’m glad that you are running and playing in heaven although I would so much rather see you doing those things here on earth. I hope you can smell the roses. Watch for the balloons drifting slowly up to heaven for you. If by chance they don’t make it, look down for those “Forget-Me-Not” flowers that are blooming here and there.
I love you and miss you!
Love,
Grandma
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